Take another step,and love again

Last post,closure.

2008-02-15T13:14:32Z

I'm back to where i started off.
Life's been like a fluctuating chart.
Or,a 360 degrees turn.
It's time for a change.
Leave everything behind,here,intact.
Moving on to somewhere new.
Hopefully,a better space.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-15T02:39:00

2008-02-14T19:16:01Z

Should i say this is just too much,too much of coincidence.
I don't know what the above wants to put me through.
Day started off bad enough.
My performance in school has dropped drastically.
He said i wasn't as powerful as before,
She said she could sense a difference on how i performed today.
Body physically there,but mind and soul was somewhere else.
Just finished sketches for drawing ess lec.
Before i was ready to hit the bed because im only left with less than four hours of sleep.

Do you believe in it?
I do,and it scares me.
Because it's getting close.
I tried to swipe it off my mind with comfort.
That it's not true.
But after realising i was late again.
I'm more than assured that we're ~~cursed.~~
Maybe,maybe you wouldn't be convinced.
Funny as it sounds,ridiculous it may seem.
But it has been happening consecutively.
Either it was too early or too late.
I wouldn't get it right,i know i can never.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-14T00:20:00

2008-02-13T16:38:24Z

A long day,
Skipped drawing essentials,couldn't wake up in time.
Dice dropped by to help with the combination of slides.
All the rushing was of no use because apparently it was postponed to tomorrow,
which is later today.
Met es to do baking all for stupid valentine's..
I can't bake,in my whole life,i only baked once which was idk what to say,
Terror.
I needed help.
Hopefully valentine's will be good.
Goodnight.

It's better to have loved and lost,than never loved at all.

2008-02-12T15:26:47Z

It wasn't out of impulse.

It was simply done under pressure.
Watching them turned into ashes.
What would you say if i called on you now
and thank you again.
Are you happy to watch them torn and burnt,vicious heart?
I hope you are.You have to be.
Because they were nothing to you.
Burnt them too.

Have yet to think of a new to move into.
Skipped the plans today,felt really bad.
But i'll make it up when schedule's not that packed.
And,they were scary cause the predictions made were accurate,right people?
I nearly went weak while reading them.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-11T00:58:00

2008-02-10T17:44:13Z

Time always reveal the burden that we carry on our backs.
It gets heavier and heavier,for the rest of each day.
I know i can barely carry it.
I'll take this burden off now.
Because i've never seen a heart as vicious as yours.
I feel sorry,sorry i've failed once again to make you see.
At least i know i tried.

I've waited a longlong time.Hopefully what i heard is true.
I really really hope my prayers will be answered,so i can start from there.

Looking back at all the good and bad times.It's been long.
It's time for this livejournal to take a break,a stop.
I've decided on for a new change.
I'm shifting.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-08T12:51:00

2008-02-08T05:01:38Z

I came across this A-Z,
and i mean unintentionally.
Which i hope i didn't,but i just did.
Thanks.At least i know what i can do now.
And cheers to you a zillion times..
Yes and no,i ~~fucking~~ hate you.
Which i don't think it bothers you anyways..
So buzz off.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-05T16:20:00

2008-02-05T08:51:36Z

Everything seems to be on fast speed.
Watching them go past me.
Its even harder for me to catch now.
Today,i was the first to leave.
One thing i know for sure,i was very unstable.

The outline of your shadow,
I wish i was there to recognise it.
But,I took a step back,
You showed the world how lucky you were.
Then turned your back and fake your sorrows,
With that sinister smile.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-04T22:58:00

2008-02-04T15:06:48Z

Today was bittersweet.
Hectic morning till afternoon in studio,
skipped breakfast and lunch..
Hard work paid off well in the end,which was all that matters.
Two down.

I've talked and planned with the parents.
It saddens me with the sudden changes made.
I guess all i can do now is to wait patiently with fingers crossed.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-03T21:04:00

2008-02-03T13:12:45Z

I don't have a thing with maps.I can't READ.
I've been spending the past 3hours trying to figure out tampines park connector and the expressways.
Locations and parts of pasir ris.
Submission deadline tomorrow.
The only way to relieve the amount of stress generating in me,
is to sing out loud.
And bff send me the right song at the right time.
Back to work.

Edited//
Everyone is panicking for the presentation tomorrow cause apparently everyone got the wrong info.
I'm one of them.HAHA,AND I ALMOST FORGOT I HAVE SKETCHES NOT DONE.
Something amused me and made me smile for at least awhile.Islin and her new dress.
And poo was a tad too late to watch P.S i love you.*giggles*
I'm sorry.You can still watch it with your bf on valentine's.=(
Ok gotta go.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-02-01T22:50:00

2008-02-01T14:58:59Z

衷心感激你令爱似幅画
有一日,希望你会明白.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-27T23:50:00

2008-01-27T15:51:48Z

Tommorrow's start of a new block.
So many things going through my mind,it can barely contain anymore.
Starting on my individual.
Doubt i can do better than P1 anyways..
It makes me want to collapse...
I'm not going to make it,i know for sure.
I'm scared,i'm very scared.
Can i quit.?

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-27T11:54:00

2008-01-27T03:54:39Z

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-26T12:27:00

2008-01-26T06:26:02Z

I don't have to put on those shoes and hit the tracks.
And it's already a drastic change in less than 2 days.
I totally lost the luxury of eating what i crave.
I feel sick.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-25T15:46:00

2008-01-25T08:15:16Z

要拥有必先懂失去怎接受
这种姿态可会令你更心酸
人活到几岁算短失恋只有更短

And they're taking years..
I'm falling asleep here
out of home
Starting my individual.
Hair fall,deep frowns.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-25T12:38:00

2008-01-25T04:54:25Z

I can't find a good reason to delete this lj,
but i've million reasons to delete what that does not belong here.
Because those fake innocence does only harm to my livejournal.

And since i'm left to pick up this pieces alone,
and the other side left lurking with glee.
I've no reason to leave what i left behind before that.
Because they're waiting without any expections or returns..

The place i left so abruptly,is taking me back.
And the parents are ready to send me overseas.
But love,i'm far too conceited.
To those "over-rated" good intentions oneself claimed so.
It was simply for oneself and take back those pretense.
For all i know ,your departure is a blessing in disguise..

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-06T22:42:00

2008-01-06T15:09:49Z

HAHA,my younger sis when she was two,cute isnt she?
Happen to chance upon this while clearing my folders.
How about another one?

"ZOMG..!!NO WAY,
WHY AM I SO CUTE?!"
well,that was then...
Moving on..
This is now...

Just kidding..

<3

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-05T22:40:00

2008-01-05T15:04:50Z

The book that i've been reading is getting more and more interesting each day.Simply can't wait to finish up my current and reach out for the yakuza,and many many more.Still remembering that day when i decided to have some quiet time alone at the airport and half of it was spent at TIMES bookstore.Came across a few good books,temptation was high.
Sigh,
Maybe,if only,we could take off and settle down wherever out there together.

Is my weakness,a flaw in your seamless life?
Or am i not good enough to deserve something better?

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-05T22:29:00

2008-01-05T14:32:24Z

1...2..3...4..5..6..

Red-indians in the house

Moment of folly.

Camwhored using grace's lappie and the above were what we've got.
The spastic and always hungry bunch of people,
some of them are missing,pau and fen.
This is what happens when you're stress with all the designing,
and time off to go wild with the right people who share the same thoughts too.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-05T13:59:00

2008-01-05T06:31:21Z

I wish i could fall into deep slumber for as long as i want to,without any interupption like my mum's screaming voice.My eye's were all puffy when i woke up due to idk what,and my physical rythmn was just unacceptable.I weighed myself on the scale and got a shock of my life.Then back looking into the mirror again,and asked myself a million questions.

Celebrated Russ's birthday yesterday with the people,bhav,des,daph,andrea,gab,cccy,mel,chris,and farhan.Had great fun especially when watching all of them play para-para and scoring almost the highest rank.WTH?Yes,what the hell.Hilariously funny too.Cabbed home with daph and des.I was dead-beat,dropped on my couch as soon as i got home,and dragged myself to the toilet to pluck those lens out of my eyes because they had been killing me for the past few hours.Did i say i was dead-beat,but i simply can't get to sleep.Not even a phone call to bff,or a pill could soothe me into slumber.

I guess i have big issues with myself,letting the days pass by and telling myself everything's fine because it's a new year.Until i realise yesterday night,it's not as easy as it seems to be.Filled with anxious secret and uncertainty,i'm completely oblivious to my surroundings at some point of time.The only people whom i can really rely on are probably my parents,but then on second thoughts,if i do,things will change.Yes,trapped in some way.
My new year resolutions,maybe some just can't be reached as much as you want to.
Deadline for Topic one on monday,and i need to rush through the slides,guess this is the only thing that can keep me company right now without any doubt.

Ciao.

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-03T11:33:00

2008-01-03T03:33:40Z

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
Ill be forever thankful baby
Youre the one who held me up
Never let me fall
Youre the one who saw me through through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldnt speak
You were my eyes when I couldnt see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldnt reach
You gave me faith coz you believed
Im everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
Youve been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
Im grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I dont know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

tishoutsbah @ 2008-01-02T01:23:00

2008-01-01T17:45:44Z

I'm fairly annoyed with the camera's USB..my lappie can't seem to detect it therefore i can't transfer the NYE's pictures!!*&(&^%&^*^(*)^^#$@
I had great fun and i mean it.Pitched tent by sunset bay and await for 2008,how pretty can a plan get.

Got ready what was needed and cabbed down to ECP.Surprised by the crowd and numerous tents set up there.Found a spot and decided to settle down with it.Cccy did the pitching of course,i helped like 1/20.Had everything in place,chilled and wait till sun sets.A little heart to heart talk.Then,something he did that got me stoked.A powerpoint presentation.Yes it is.
We've been through too much that a day is not even enough to talk about.
While awaiting for the arrival of 2008.Caught good luck chuck on his lappie,love and sex scenes.The movie was overall acceptable.
At the stroke of twelve midnight,when 2007 is officially over,cheers to that with champagne.(Moet&Chandon).It'll be more magical with magnificant fireworks right in front of our eyes.Weather was fine for the day.That certified the countdown plan as successful.
Kudos to dearest,because he did most of the planning.I love you so.
I'll keep this with me,
and hopefully 2008 will be a better year.
Be it my relationships with peers,school,work,finances,health,family,and my love.

I'll put up the pictures as soon as i manage to get those pictures in my lappie.
School tomorrow,and i'm out.
Good night people.!

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made
<3

tishoutsbah @ 2007-12-30T12:39:00

2007-12-30T04:46:21Z

At this point of time,all i wish is to escape and vanish from here.

But realistically,can i?

I feel like i'm all alone.
On my own all this while.

So just fuck this world.

tishoutsbah @ 2007-12-29T21:40:00

2007-12-29T14:40:49Z

Sometimes i thought to myself whether it's worth putting in your fullest,when you're unsure of what you'll get in return.
That's when paranoia comes in..
You can't have best of both,and i lost,someone who has been there throughout.
No,i should say,i neglected alot of people and things around me just for one in particular.
For that,i'm losing them,one by one.
Haven been sleeping well lately,late nights again.
Nobody understands,not even the one whom i did so much for.
2007 has been a very bad year,for me,all of us.
How long can i take this?
Or should i say how long does it take for me to move on,and learn.?
How long does it take for me to know how to handle and balance.?
I'm too numb for anything now.I'm just living life as it is like meaninglessly.
Have i really been placing in too much and over-obsessed .?
I think i have been.
Now i just want to sleep it through.
Good night world.

tishoutsbah @ 2007-12-23T23:17:00

2007-12-23T15:45:34Z

So met up with cccy and headed down to audio house at clark quay,i thought i could get something from there.BUT SADLY DID NOT..WHY AH CY,why?
Anyways moving on,had mac and played with mayo+chilli like stupid kids.
Sang along with music playing while walking towards mrt station,yes wtf.
A call and text message that put me to ease a little but yet felt that something was missing.Neglected.Time will tell.
Off to town,walked around,played pool and caught a movie,redline.Pretty good movie with all the hot cars that sounded/looked so sexy and of course,hot babes.YES CY?
Went to get presents for mum's friends' kids and walked around aimlessly to settle down for dinner.
A POST-CHRISTMAS TREAT at TCC..
Then we discussed about 2007.But really,I'm not feeling the christmas vibe,but i'm feeling the arrival of 2008,so near.
And of course,like i said in my previous entry,this year has not been good.Hopefully next year will be better,and more happening
Headed home,drained but still a little hyper.
I had my fun,BUT,the sad thing is that i forgot to mark all that we did today with visuals.That sucks.
Meeting poovan tomorrow to get some things done then off to work,YES,ON CHRISTMAS EVE YO.
AND,NO CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS celebration.HAHA.-_-
Oh and did i mention we put up and decorated a christmas tree at home.Yes we did,my sis was fully enthusiastic about it,so i just joined in.But we'll defintely have a hard time taking it off.Swear.

BB,today's a blast,and you've been the sex.
Come what may,we'll stay this way,can we?

tishoutsbah @ 2007-12-22T13:54:00

2007-12-22T05:57:18Z

All i can say is that i'm pretty upset about the whole deal of yesterday.
I'm still affected by it,because i spoilt the plans.
Things haven't been going good this year,
and i hate it.
I hate 2007.
I fucking hate it.